THE GLUTEN-FREE SIMPSON OF STATEN ISLAND

This weekend I visited the Kwik-E-Mart on 42nd Street, just north of the Port Authority.

Homer Simpson greeted me at the door. Somehow I don't think those were Poughkeepsie Soul Dogs in his hands. And way in the back? That's Apu keeping an eye on the guy.


















I found Marge over by the freezer. For some reason I couldn't see any Gaga's Sherbetter inside.


















I even caught a glimpse of Maggie, who seemed content chomping on her gluten-free pacifier.


















I looked for Bart and Lisa, but they must've been out. I hear Bart gets a kick out of skateboarding the Guggenheim, and I imagine that Lisa might've been blowing saxophone duets on the Staten Island Ferry with Allyson Fabes.

Identified as the Big Apple's equivalent of Lisa Simpson in the current Time Out New York, Allyson is a talented ten-year-old Staten Islander who likes math and plays saxophone. And she also has celiac disease, according to Caitlin Hogan in the Staten Island Advance.

A funny thing about this is that the character of Milhouse Van Houten, who has a major crush on Lisa, is allergic to wheat. I'm glad I didn't catch him eating any donuts at the Kwik-E-Mart!


















The next time things sour with Lisa, Milhouse should give Allyson a call and meet her at the Staten Island Outback. I bet she could give him some good advice over a serving of gluten-free Chocolate Thunder from Down Under.

Photos: David Marc Fischer